Alec goes to school

Posted on by

There’s a feeling that comes over you when you hear words you wrote said out loud by good actors.  It’s not just one feeling, it’s a bunch of feelings all balled up into one gigantic feeling that sits in your chest and makes you feel warm.  It compels your fingers to rapidly weave through your hair, leaving bucket loads of hair strands on the theater floor.  It’s confusing and wonderful.

A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to workshop a play I wrote.  It was the first time I had ever done this “workshopping” business.  I had no idea what I was in for.  I honestly thought we’d read the play safely in chairs.  I would occasionally look up from my script (that I wrote, that held me close and purred as I pet it) to see the actors acting from their chairs.  I imagined laughing at my clever bits: the goofy lines, the funny inflections I didn’t expect, but loved.  I imagined everyone liking it.

How wrong.

Within a few pages, Jenna (the director) suggested that we ought to get up, put the thing on its feet, work out problems.  Problems?  It sounded awfully good to me Jenna, I don’t think…well, okay.

Within literal seconds I was lost in a sea of words, hair follicles, and my own sweat.  I was being asked what was wrong with this moment, “why doesn’t that first moment of the play work?”

“Uhhh…I don’t know, I like…don’t know.”

“It doesn’t work cause he knows what she’s eating.  He doesn’t need to ask.”

Stupid, stupid-I’m hitting the inside of my skull with my brain-it’s a skill.  Not everyone has it.  It takes practice.

By the end of the night, I was fucking beat.  And we got through one scene.  I don’t think I’ve ever, in the history of my life, been so utterly tired from sitting in a chair.  It was quite remarkable.

The whole night was actually.  Remarkable.  I’ve been out of school for…six months now.  I’ve learned a lot since being out, but nothing compares to that night.  I was thrown into something I had no idea about.  I was at a theater, with actors, a director, another playwright, and my inexperience and let me tell you…I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

I left that night feeling deflated and quite frankly upset with myself and my performance.  I wanted to blow the roof off.  I think the roof stayed where it was, but I am so excited for the next round, for the next workshop.

I don’t want to make it seem that this was a total disaster in terms of my play, and this was only good as an exercise, no no no.  My play is better for it.  Hearing good actors say your words, do the actions…it’s a feeling, man.  And people did laugh.  And they laughed harder after I made cuts and after Jenna suggested we take one part and put it over there after that line.  It was awesome.

- Alec Silberblatt